Mariah fresh from the womb, with proud parents Sarah and Jack.

Even before I laid eyes on my daughter, I had a vision of what parenting would look like in the early months. I would bring home a chubby mini-me from the hospital, and I would get to spend most of my time just watching her peacefully sleep.  When she was awake, I imagined us working through developmentally-appropriate activities together, and having the chance to apply all the things I’ve learned from school and from working at Tandem, Partners in Early Learning to make sure her brain was developing in the best ways possible. Essentially, the first few months would be a time of beautiful rest and rejuvenation – a time when I could just bask in newborn cuddles and precious naptimes.

That vision quickly faded after I had my daughter, Mariah.  I remember vividly coming home from the hospital with her (who by the way, came out looking exactly like my husband) feeling lost and overwhelmed.  The reality sank in that my husband and I were the ones responsible for deciphering how to keep this crying and clingy baby alive. The next few weeks were filled with continuous cycles of feeding, swaddling, rocking, and diaper changing.  I didn’t sleep for more than two hours at a time. Normal, everyday things such as washing my face or taking a shower became a luxury in itself. Life was anything but restful and rejuvenating. My hopes of spending time playing and reading to my daughter were quickly overwhelmed by the significant amount of time I spent attending to her basic needs. Moreover, I felt ashamed that I wasn’t spending enough time doing the prescribed developmentally-appropriate activities that I thought were beneficial to Mariah.

Practicing singing like her namesake.

Ridden with mom-guilt, I did the one thing I thought I could manage – and that was to try to talk to her as much as possible. Any time, any where, I would chat with her about everyday topics such as current events (there was a lot of talk about Donald Trump, Bernie Sanders, and Hillary Clinton). I would describe each food I was eating (and I ate ALL the time). I would even explain the reasons behind why I was changing her diaper while I was right in the middle of the task (because bodily fluids have to go somewhere!). Talking to her was simple to do and the best I could do, given the circumstances.  As I look back at this time, now six months later, I realize that this easy task of just talking with her made a world of difference to my growing baby. She now not only happily babbles and “converses” with us all the time, I believe she also feels more supported, better understood, and thoroughly loved through this simple act. And all it took was a little talk.

Mariah’s new favorite toy: Mommy’s face.

Don’t get me wrong – spending time with your little one doing special activities like reading, singing, and playing games are definitely beneficial and important to a child’s development. But I realize now that the routine, ordinary, even “simple” things I did, including comforting her while she was crying, holding her hand, and responding to her needs, were also powerful and imperative to her development.  Making sure she felt safe, understood, and loved gave her the confidence and assurance to explore the world around her and mature as a growing little human being. The small and simple things we do every day without realizing it do make a difference. These things are necessary – these things give our babies the foundation they need to develop properly.

Practicing the happy baby yoga pose.

Mariah is now over six months old, and we are grateful that she is a healthy and happy baby. We still haven’t completely figured out this parenting gig by any means – but we are so much more optimistic and aware of this process of learning and developing alongside our daughter, rather than trying to rush ahead of the process.

Now if we can only get her to sleep through the night…