10,000 Dresses

10,000 Dresses by Marcus Ewert is a book about a young transgender girl named Bailey and her love of dresses. The book discusses the challenges she faces with her family around her gender identity. It is also about her desire to create the dresses she dreams about.

I had the opportunity to talk to Marcus Ewert about the book and Bailey’s story. “There are many different ways to be a girl,” he said, “Either other people tell you what gender you are or you tell them.”

Children begin to develop their gender identities around the ages of 2-3, so celebrating nonconformity allows gender-queer children to build self confidence and self love at an early age. As a trans person, I can see myself in this story. There were a lot of times when I felt like Bailey as a child, wishing to express myself and being told that I was doing it wrong.

“Either other people tell you what gender you are or you tell them.”

“We all want Bailey to succeed,” Mr. Ewert pointed out, “Kids respond to fairness, and they see that Bailey isn’t getting that.” When reading this book, Mr. Ewert recommends focusing on Bailey and discussing how she was affected in her interactions. “When was she happiest? Why is that? What made her sad?” By talking about Bailey’s story, children get to relate it back to their own experiences. They also practice important social-emotional skills like empathy and compassion. Kids that have been in Bailey’s shoes get to see their uniqueness reflected in Bailey.  

I recommend reading this book with I’m Jay, Let’s Play by Beth Reichmuth. I’m Jay, Let’s Play is unique because it doesn’t use pronouns to gender any of the children in the book. Instead, it calls all of the children by their name. Pronouns can make children feel like they’re being placed into a box, especially when parents and caretakers enforce strict gender roles at an early age. The lack of pronouns highlights the idea that kids can explore themselves and their identities without those obstructive rules.

You can see this in I’m Jay, Let’s play through their story of cross-gendered play, something I talked about in my last blog post. In this story, anyone can wear a skirt or play construction worker and everyone is included in their “fancy pizza party.” Not only is this classroom unique, it is inclusive.

When talking about gender with children, the most important thing to remember is to encourage expression outside of strict gender norms. It’s a tricky subject that we often want to avoid or shy away from. However, using books like these is a great opportunity to plant seeds within the children when it comes to diverse gender expressions.