As a grandmother, I truly value the connections that technology allows me to have with my grandchildren. I recently video chatted with my granddaughter as she was sharing her ideas about redecorating her bedroom with a Paris theme; our connection deepened every time I ooh-d  or ahh-d over a clever design choice she made.

I have been consulted via videochat about a tooth that was just shy of falling out and was able to explore with Rhys, my young grandson, some of the options for its removal. As I demonstrated the “tie the tooth to the cutting board with floss and shove the cutting board over the counter top” strategy I didn’t have to miss the look on his face – the  horrified “NO!” with his mouth wide open, tooth dangling. Those visuals were everything! It wouldn’t have been the same over the good old fashioned telephone. The intimacy that my cell phone affords me when my beloved little ones are not by my side is tremendous. When they’re with me though, that same cell phone can break the magic of our time together.

Molly, pictured with two of her grandchildren.

I pride myself on my ability to focus on the kids when I’m with them. My time is precious as a grandmother. I don’t have the joys and hardships of caring for them all day, every day. But even so, when we’re chatting at the park together if I’m waiting for the dentist to get back to me about a changed appointment time, or some horrific disaster has happened in some other city across the world, each time my phone buzzes in my pocket I’m drawn to look. Sure, I tell myself, I can listen while I just check this one thing – “I’ll be right back to you, honey.”  In the moment, I fail to see what exactly I’m missing when I’m drawn away from them.

But when weeks go by that I don’t get to see the kids, I’d give about anything to offer them my undivided attention. If only I had heard that whole last paragraph about how gravity works differently on Mars, where Dashel lives, so that I could have asked the next great question that would help him sharpen his scientific hypothesis and develop his fantasy! But I can’t get it back.

ChildTrends posted some research recently that underscores my own concerns about my attention when I’m with the kids and my phone is nearby. They shared a new study by child psychologists at Temple University that suggests that sudden cellphone interruptions can impact a toddler’s developing language skills. Parents were set up to teach two new words to their young children, and when they maintained the conversation with the child, the child always learned the new words. However, when parents were interrupted by a cell phone call, which they had been instructed to answer, and broke that conversational back and forth (we often call it the “serve and return”) the child didn’t learn the new words. Children’s language development is foundational to all the other learning they will do. It turns out, pulling away from them to attend to something else when we’re in the middle of a conversation is a much bigger deal than we knew.

This is so important to remember as we move through our lives with the potential for distraction so close at hand all the time. These distractions don’t just impact our children, either.  Researchers at the University of Texas found merely having a smartphone nearby reduces brain power. In a study of 800 cellphone users, researchers found those with their phones in another room did better on tests than those with their phones on their desks. It turns out I may never know the specifics of gravity on Mars as my grandson, Dashel, sees it, just because I know I might be interrupted.

I use my phone for lots of things – and I’ll continue to do so, but from now on when I’m lucky enough to go to the park in person with my little ones – I’m leaving it in the car.